After becoming a mother, Kim Kardashian feared that life in the bedroom would never be the same.

“I was somebody who gained 60 or 70 pounds in my pregnancies and felt so unlike myself and so unsexy,” the Keeping Up With the Kardashians star, 37, told author and screenwriter Bret Easton Ellis in her new cover story for the 20th anniversary of Richardson Magazine. “Literally, at the end, when you can’t even have sex, I thought, ‘I’m never going to have sex again in my life!’ I just felt so bad about myself in my soul.”

Kardashian and her husband, Kanye West, share three children: North, 5, Saint, 2, and Chicago, 9 months. Chicago was born via surrogate as the KKW Beauty founder suffered high-risk pregnancies with her eldest kids due to preeclampsia and placenta accreta.

“I didn’t lose weight that quickly. But I’d say eight months later, I had probably my best body ever,” Kardashian said during the interview. “I felt like, ‘I did this. I lost all this weight on my own. I feel better than ever!’ I just put my body through that, and it was so empowering when I did a nude shoot.”

The reality star acknowledged that while she has a “wild, sexual” public persona, she is “much more conservative” at home when the cameras are away.

“I’m actually uncomfortable when I talk about sex,” she said. “But I’m vain like that. I can go on a set and be fully naked in front of 50 people doing a shoot, but if I’m one-on-one, intimate in bed, I’m, like, shy and insecure. I definitely have two different personalities like that. But I think motherhood has actually made me more confident about being publicly sexy.”