Sarkis and his lovely water-closet pan - Ali Jabbarov

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It is Sarkis, the better known Armenian digha. (Digha — means riff-raff man in the Armenian language). In the best sense, I’ve nothing to do with this dishonest digha. What to do, one day he acted stupidly and came to Kalbajar and today it is the right time to go back to the Hell from where he had come to this flourishing land of Azerbaijan. Let him go Hell! He is guilty and sinful and doubtless, the Almighty will punish him one day. But it would be better if you know who this bearded Sarkis is. Be patient, please, steady, you will know everything clearly.

This mentioned stupid Sarkis is about 55 years old, namely, still not decrepit. One can imagine the aged Armenians what they look like. Almost they are more like every nasty thing but not human, indeed. But never think about aged Armenian women in your sleep or else you can become sleepless life long, they are rather disgusting and give off nasty smells. The very damned Sarkis is from the border villager of Armenia not far from Kalbajar of Azerbaijan. He moved to Kalbajar in the nineties, that’s after his service in the army. His family was large but the house was too small. Even he was searching for any work to keep his family. Those years were hard and harsh for everyone. The Soviet Union had been crushed and the number of jobless people increased with time.

So secret that their traditional works were potato-growing and used to distil spirits from spoiled potatoes. But again there was no living. One day when heard that his co-villagers every day bring everything stolen from Garabagh and sell very cheaper in the villages to needy and meekly Armenians, he was also eager to join them. Just on the same day, he came to Kalbajar. Oh, my God, he said to himself. How rich a place it is! Paradise is here, he said.

Addition-1. The people of Kalbajar were killed, wounded by Armenians and the alive children and elderly people were given a harsh condition to leave their homelands without taking anything with themselves for 10 hours. Thus the wealth of Azerbaijanis and all their belongings were left in Kalbajar.

In those years this very Sarkis almost every day used to go to Kalbajar, Lachin, Gubadly; where all houses were emptied by force stole everything that was there, destroyed, unowned houses, possessed all domestic animals respectively.

But Sarkis is not satisfied with this life of his decision to move to Kalbajar and to reside in one of the comfortable houses. Why waste time in his miserable village, to build a new house, to find water to drink and to irrigate. With this purpose he came to Kalbajar together with his green-eyed neighbour wife Haykanush and started his new life in one of the most comfortable houses ready to live with all conveniences such as; walls full of Garabagh carpets, floors flourished with thick pile carpets various ornaments of Azerbaijanis.

Here Kalbajar became helpful for the Sarkis and his family. He started to keep cattle in the vast lands and in a short time could earn much money on the account of others. Within a very short time, he bought a Soviet-made lorry. He knew that there everything cost rather cheap. Everything was for nothing here. If you were in need of bricks, you could destroy the houses of Azerbaijanis and carry them wherever you wanted. There was enough slate, timber material for everybody, even moneyless. They could find all kinds of dishes for their daily use left from Azerbaijanis. As if Kalbajar and other occupied lands of Garabagh were given to Armenians possessing.

Surely Haykanus also was glad about this life. But along with this, there was something in the hearth of this Armenian woman that frightened her without stop. Maybe one day…! But days flew very fast. In this occupied house she gave birth to seven children. The reality is that non of them got high education but some of those children were hardly placed. Their elder son Vazgen began to work as a pig-tender in Arayik’s pig farm in Khankendi. Their second son Armen bought an old car from the Soviet mark and began to drive people to Pyatigorski as a back worker. And he had his elder daughter by name Anna who was too pretty and was doing her dancing in the city of Shusha. She also used to earn a lot of money, but in an easy way indeed. The other children were little yet. The family even wanted to obtain one more house in Fizuli but there was left no unruined buildings. The Sarkis clearly knew that his countrymen had destroyed and ruined all buildings.

Three or so years before one day Haykanush asks her husband Sarkis to take away a great number of iron items piled in the corner of the yard. This time Sarkis gets angry with her and says that they are copper materials that he has stolen from neighbours electric cables, aluminium dishes, pots and he will sell them expensively. And he did it as he told. The next day he took all of them to the trading zone on the bank of the Araz river and sold them to the merchants of a neighbouring country.

When sold all that he had brought and then decided to do little shopping for a home. And even he bought one new water closet pan. You see if you remember it was this very water-closet pan that recognized Sarkis as an Armenian all over the world.

… After planned shopping, Sarkis came back home but when seeing his Haykanush couldn’t keep her surprise and asked:

- “ Oh you, are you mad, Sarkis? What is it for in the country? Are you going to move to Erevan to live a city life?”

Sarkis firstly burst into laughter and explained something mocking on her. “Really you are stupid, you are Armenian, was any Armenian minded whenever?!

It is called a water-closet pan. Don’t you remember? Last year your relatives came from Bayreuth and at that time I was greatly ashamed. It will be good at least for our guests.

Haykanush jumped with joy. Began to long for what, God knows. It seems she felt her aristocratic. Could hardly comfort herself. Shortly to say she satisfied with her new life perfectly.

But the fortune of life can change even unexpectedly. More than 20 years of well-to-do life of Sarkis-Haykanush in Kalbajar ended at once. So that in one mild autumn day everything turned up and down. As if the earth was burning. The Sarkis family could find nowhere to hide and save their lives. The victorious Army of Azerbaijan was coming to liberate their occupied lands from these nomadic Armenians. The fear of Haykanush became true. Suddenly she awoke from her deep sleep. Just now she understood that this land wasn’t theirs. It would be better to leave the house and all Garabagh lands for their real owners. Otherwise, all Armenians will be banished from the lands of Azerbaijan shamefully.

Knowing everything clearly they began to get ready and return back to “their own land”. Before firing this house they started to load their old lorry with everything that they had at home. So, that time Sarkis firstly brought his water-closet pan and gently placed it among other soft things for safety, not to be broken. All foreign journalists could take this event with their cameras. With his water-closet pan, Sarkis became popular throughout the world.

Already two months were left behind after that shameful event. Now at present Sarkis is in Armenia. But later we learned that on the way home an accident had happened and his lovely water-closet pan was broken.

You see, even neither Sarkis nor Haykanush could use this wonderful thing at least a time. Poor Sarkis and Haykanush, by drinking coffee instead of tea you can’t become European.

2021.11.26 / 13:32
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