Staff at Buckingham palace have been asked to tell Boris Johnson that the queen has nipped out when he arrives later today.

Axar.az reports citing Newsthump that Johnson, who is expected to shamble untidily into Her Majesty’s London home and ask to be put in charge later this morning, will be informed the monarch has been unavoidably called away to a six-month state visit to South Georgia, and that all the phones are down and so she can’t be reached.

Meanwhile, Queen Elizabeth will hide in her bathroom with the light off until Boris and his entourage goes away.

“It’s like when the Jehovahs Witnesses come round,” said total equerry Sir Simon Prince-Williams.

“As head of the Church of England the Queen cannot join a berserk cult united in an evidence-free belief in redemption through the destruction of all things for the benefit of a blessed few – and she can’t join the Jehovahs Witnesses either.

“She can’t stay in there doing Sudoku forever,” we were told.